Back in Bangkok

By Janette Marin

Ann, the house mom at Beginnings, has continued to greet us with, "Welcome Home!" and it sounds so sweet to my ears. This house is a place of comfort and love, these girls are my sisters, and the streets are our 'backyard' mission field. On a ride to the market with Ann, Lyndsey, and Jit (a Beginnings resident) we were conversing about this being another home for us. Ann, Lyndsey, and I had tears welling up in our eyes as we talked about how good it was to see each other again and how much we missed each other and how we truly are family. There is rest in one another and a bonding that will never fade. This has become a home to us and we are gladly overwhelmed by such a gift.

I love this home, I love the girls that are safe and happy at Beginnings and I yearn for those who are still in the industry and do not know God. Yesterday, we went into the pool bars to visit with our friends. The first girl I spoke to on my very first trip here one year ago is still working at the same pool bar and she has become such a dear friend. We were playing pool and joking around and she stopped to show me some pictures of her family, to show how much her children had grown. She pulled out her phone and showed me some and then we continued on with our game and she told me to press the side button to keep looking...so I did. Many pictures of her beautiful face and pictures of her with friends I knew at the pool bar as well as pictures of her children and nieces and nephews made me smile, but some unfamiliar faces showed up, and I asked about them. Some were other relatives that I had never seen, and some were pictures of men...
Of these men, she would say, "that is customer" or "that is friend" and my heart broke. Flashbacks of the first conversation that Lyndsey and I ever had with her flooded my mind -- "Friend" is a word containing different meanings for her; regarding these men, it meant the customers who were actually kind to her- who took her out for dinner, or bought her clothing, or took her dancing prior to the implied.. The customers are the ones who were unkind to her, the ones who did not treat her as a friend; or they were those who came into the bar and just played pool with her.
When she would point out who these different men were to her with a smile or a straight face, each realization caused me to feel a shortness of breath...this is my friend...this is God's precious creation...why does this have to be her life?
I do not think that the things that I see here or the countless conversations about my friend's work or their sweet faces will ever stop being an overwhelming experience. Whether it continues to be a harsh realization of what goes on here or whether it be a broken heart for these kind women, I am constantly stunned and taken aback by the reality of this darkness.

I am so glad that I have my Maker to rely on because I cannot do this on my own. I cannot carry on a conversation with dried eyes by my own strength. I cannot look through pictures on a phone without falling apart if it were not for His peace residing within me. I cannot see my friends leave the bars with customers and have restraint if it weren't for His steadfast love and assurance.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

He is Lord of all. His Will will be done. My trust and hope rest secure in His hands. He produces change. He heals what the world deems broken, He restores what they declare diminished, and He bestows worth to what they claim is worthless.

Please pray that this Truth is captivating to these women, pray that we may show them Christ, and pray for freedom.