So Many Thoughts, So Many Feelings

"By faith the church was called to go
In the power of the Spirit to the lost
To deliver captives and to preach good news
In every corner of the earth
We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul's reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We'll walk by faith and not by sight
By faith this mountain shall be moved
And the power of the gospel shall prevail
For we know in Christ all things are possible
For all who call upon His name..."

These were some of the words that we sang in church this morning, the words that touched me the most, and the words that I felt God was speaking straight to my heart. It is so easy to look outside a window or to walk down the street in Bangkok and get very discouraged because we see poverty, we see lust, we see shame, we see dirtiness, we see brokenness, we see pain, and we see sin. We see through the eyes of our flesh. It does not look like God is doing anything in this city; it looks abandoned by Him because there is so much sin, so much evil, so much sadness and misery, so much shame, and so much of Satan's presence in this city. We forget that God works in mysterious ways, many of which we cannot see with our human eyes. The lyrics to this song reminded me that God is working, and we must have faith, knowing that this city is in His hands. Even though we may not be able to see the effects, God sees them, and He continues to work in this place.

Recently, each of us has struggled with our feelings. It is so hard to recognize feelings here, and it is so frustrating to not know how you feel; one minute, feeling like everything is going fine, but the next minute, being filled to the brim with sadness, helplessness, and anger. We are on an emotional roller coaster that never halts to a sudden stop; will we feel like this forever? Everything going on in this city is so painful to think about, that you almost want to be able to cut it out of your thoughts, out of your memory, but at the same time you never want to stop worrying, never want life to go back to "normal," and never want to allow thoughts about anything except what is happening here. How can we continue to live in luxury while these girls are struggling through each day, wishing that they did not have to go to work that day, not because they are lazy but because their work is damaging physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Think about it...how insignificant are the things that consume our lives? Cleaning the house. Watching a football game. Voting for our favorite contestant on American Idol. Complaining about EVERYTHING. Trying to reach the top of the ladder at our job. Being the best at whatever we do, just to give ourselves glory. Getting the newest electronic device, just because we can. Searching the world for our "one true love." Finding out the latest gossip by stalking people on Facebook. Putting in extra hours at work instead of being with our families. What does any of this get us? Where will a life like this lead us? Why are we not focusing on what God wants for our lives and on what we can do to better His kingdom? Isn't our purpose to bring glory to Him through our every thought and action? Sure, I am guilty of some of these insignificant things right now, and yes, some of them bring joy to our lives, but I feel like we are all missing the bigger picture. As Americans, we plan out every minute of every day to be consumed by something that probably will not matter in the end. All I am saying is that we should spend less time with what needs to be done next and more time serving God.

So many thoughts and so many feelings are battling for our attention; there is always too much for us to process. Please pray that we will give our thoughts and feelings to God to help us handle them and to prevent them from intruding on our mission here. Pray that we will continue to build relationships with these girls and that they will be susceptible to what we have to say about Beginnings and about Christ. Please pray for the girls in the house, that they will be able to work through their struggles and that they will become closer to God and allow Him to swallow them in true love. Pray for the leadership of Beginnings, that they will be united in decisions and that they will be uplifted by God daily.

Thank you all for your support and prayers; they mean so much to us.

Love to all,
Kalyn